Halloween is without a doubt my favourite time of the year.
Yeah I love christmas for family and Easter for chocolate and New year for getting buck wild.
but there's a feeling I get from Halloween that makes me so much more excited.
I think it's a combination of dressing up (which I friggen love), Sweets, and scaring the shit out of myself and those I love.
So I'm going to do an obligatory Halloween costume suggestion post, with a little added treat about my costume this year (I ALWAYS make a bloody bigdealabouddit)
Okay so first of all. Halloween is for looking creepy. I sure as hell wanna see your lovely breasts, but if they're not dripping in fake blood or have a load of liquid latex on them so you look like you pan fried dem tatties I don't want to know about it. The true test of whether you're a slammin' hottie or not, Is whther you can shove some disgusting teeth in your mouth, bruise/bloody up yourself, and wear clothes that don't look like you just popped to Ann Summer's to decide whether you're "Heaven sent or Hell Bound" (No fucking kidding, that's their advertising campaign this Halloween, shoot me in the gullet). Fair dos you want to look fuckable? It's very easy to look fuckable and scary and it sure as hell turns me on more than "sexy pirate".
So here's Halloween suggestion number one.
If you ever watched The Dark Crystal as a child, this probably scared the living bowels out of you. It's a pretty ambitious project but it's something you can keep forever to terrify children that encroach on your personal space. The only place I've found a real (pretty decent) attempt, with instructions is
here
If you really want to freak me out though go as bloody Jen the Gelfling. The most terrifying aspect of The Dark Crystal for me.
You Need:
- foam
- latex
- plastic
- fabric
- maybe some fake cobwebs
- a LOT of time
- and an irritating fucking whine.
Number Two
Guillotined Marie Antoinette
This is a classic. She's a classy lady, she loves cakes and she's terrifying because she hated poor people.
The make up is a really good bit. Here are some pretty sweet examples.
If you want to go all out, Headless Marie Antoinette is really good. Who doesn't want to hold their own head?
You will Need:
- a big old bath pouf for your head,
- a lot of hair. (If you don't have this get a wig).
- A massive dress (if you're poor, D.I.Y. I made my own with a shit load of netting and fake silk)
- Fake blood
- White facepaint
Number Three
A Roy Lichtenstein Babe
Now we've probably all seen these but let's get them out because they are incredible!
Mac did some amazing work in turning this 3D girl into a 2D work of art
This one is also really good
This would also work if you have terrible acne, heyyyy, turn that frown upside down your spots are a work of art now?
You will need:
- Polka Clothing
- Black/Red/White facepaint
- The end of a paintbrush
- More patience than a twelve year old boy waiting for the ten minute preview on television X.
4.
Tippi Hedren in the Birds
This girl has done a great job and she's cute as hell.
A surprising amount of my friends are terrified of birds flying at them.
I've never had an issue, but I can see the fear.
Living in Brighton with Seagulls has made me guard my food like a rabid pitbull.
I think Hitchcock had some real birdy issues when he made this classic.
You will need:
- Dead/fake birds
- Feathers
- A banging suit
- Blonde Wig
- Fake Blood
- Ornithophobia
5.
Silent Movie Star
I bloody love Clara Bow because she always looked like a sad little puppy and she had a tragic life.
I like a little mystery in a lady
for the gentlemen out there, Channel Charlie.
Who was also a real doll:
SUCH a hottie
Here are some bloody great efforts, carry around a silent movie placard and don't talk to anyone. Which would be excellent for if you have an annoying voice you want to conceal.
You Need:
- A Wheelbarrow full of black and white face paint
- a placard
- Black and White 20's clothes
- Pearls
- A Moustache
So this year I didn't go scary or sexy (unless you're Jimmy Saville). Our theme was cult films, with particular rules: no tarantino or clockwork orange. I went as Mathilda (young Natalie Portman) from the 1994 Luc Besson film Leon with my sweet William as my Leon.
I got my clothes from Charity shops, glasses from ebay, made my hair into a bob (I have long hair) with
this tutorial and made myself a REALFECKIN authentic choker (The charm is exactly the same)
So sweet kittens
Have a great Halloween, watch gore, trick, treat, swallow an accidentally huge amount of fake blood and scare the shit out of each other
love
Betsy Mittens
xxx
